Sunday, January 24, 2010

I hate you Facebook

I hate you Facebook. I often wonder why so many people claim to hate Facebook, me included, and continue to use the anxiety ridden application. Seriously, I am a mom to a 13.5 month old and have NO time to be worrying about Facebook and still at 12:34am I find myself upset that I even ever bought into the gimmick.
Of course, you're going to want a reason for my now newly found hatred. Of course, Im going to give it to you! As a single but currently attached mother it is filled with anxiety and double takes. The sole reason my profile is private and hidden is for the sheer fact that my significant other should have some skewed perception that I don't even have a Facebook account..... Too bad that didn't last long, of course "FB" is on my tool bar history which immediately warranted the "can you add me as a friend" since the only thing that seems to be valid about my hidden account is that strangers can not search my name or add me as a friend.
So, I made the big mistake, knowingly and friended him on Facebook. And of course, months later I am still hypothesizing why he was tagged in a photo a month ago when the photo was posted four years ago. I mean, do they still talk? Does she wish they talked? Does she realize that the picture of him and his sweet and unstalky girlfriend is in fact, his girlfriend? Ok, I know in NY no one cared about status' or titles. That has to be one of the biggest adjustments to living back in the Midwest. It's like you go from dating to attached without even realizing you are no longer single. Ok, no complaints, he is a REALLY great guy. But, where did the whole "relationship talk" disappear to? I wasn't really ready to have it and then forcibly felt the pressure to call him my boyfriend or hitchhike home.
Is it wrong to wonder? I know it is my own anxiety eating me up but clearly I do not want to know or see pictures of his ex-girlfriend nor do I want to be able to date the highs and lows of their relationship based off of posted pictures and outings. I refused to tag him in any pictures of mine, well, that worked as well as the introducing without a title gimmick did. NOT. VERY. WELL. So, my compromise was tagging only two photos. One where the three of us look pretty fabulous on the beaches of San Diego and the other one of him and his friends at a Vikings game. If I were the petty bitch that I appear to be this evening I would have tagged the 309 photo's of him and myself and BooBoo on vacation, at birthday parties, Christmas morning, ok you get the picture. I would have stooped to the level of making my profile public and allowing everyone and their mother to sift through all my photo's while their blood boils slowly knowing that *GASP* YES, he moved on!

But, no, instead I sit here with a private profile and I am the one still wishing I never friended him to begin with.

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