Monday, June 22, 2009


Yesterday the baby crawled for the very first time. I saw her get up on all four limbs and start rocking. Only this time she didnt just rock, she moved! NO NO NO, I heared myself screaming! I didnt want her to crawl. I didnt want her to cut teeth like she did the week before and now I really dont want her to crawl!

Everytime I said no she smiled at me even larger and I couldnt stop myself from laughing and cheering her on. She is so smart and her little butt sticking in the air is so darn cute! I am sure it helped that she had an adorable dress on from our favorite store- Janie and Jack. And the pale pink bow did tons of justice, but she is cute even if she is naked. Trust me, Im not that partial :) I just had good genes.
I went to bed looking at the pictures of her in the hospital. SO SO tiny! Just barely 19 inches. I would rock her all night in the NICU, I didnt sleep but a few hours because I wanted to be at every one of her feedings. I was pretty much the only mom that went to the 3am feeding. She used to know my voice and every time I touched her her entire disposition changed. She wasnt scared if I was there and I promised her I wouldnt be scared either.
If you are pregnant cherish those last kicks and uncomfortable hip pains. I remember thinking no bed was comfortable and wishing everyday that she would come out early. (she didnt, she came out 9 days late after over 48 hours of induction and a very crabby and inpain mommy). But, from the moment I saw her I knew she was the light of my life. And to this day even when she reaches in to chomp down on my arm or races away to grab a toy she is my shining light!

One day in my shoes

The past few days I have been feeling a little bit lonely. The baby still goes to sleep at 9pm and lord knows I have a few hours before hitting the hay myself! The nights can seem a little long as there is no one to talk to or chase after. I guess the hardest part is knowing that I never chose this path. I love it, every moment of being a mom, but the single part I could have done without.

When she laughs or crawls or giggles so loud like nothing else in that tiny body is inhibiting her from feeling true joy, those are the moments I wish I could look next to me to find the person that loves and lives for that just as much as I do. Calling Grammy or Auntie or even G.Grandma is not quite the same. Although, they are SO SO very helpful!

Every morning I wake up with the tiniest little hands gently caressing my face. OK, I know what you are thinking, I am "one of those moms" who allows my child to sleep in my bed. Well, ok I will accept that title because I am. Since the day she came home from the hospital she has slept in my bed (we had a NICU stay so she wasnt in my hospital room). And now, six months later I live to absorb every little baby moment. Once she wakes me up I roll her onto my stomach where I ALWAYS recieve the most incredibly enormous smile and then I know I can begin my day.

We venture downstairs where she sits in her highchair, aka the mommy saver, and I get breakfast ready. Eggs or whole wheat pancakes for me and immulsified bananas and homemade brown rice cereal for her. She only started to eat food one week ago, it is a slow process and today she was not having it. So, I will try again tomorrow!

We get cleaned up, changed, and ready for the day. I now stand in her closet and ask her what she would like to wear because she is in the stage where she will grab at anything. Often times I dont really let her wear what she selects!
By the time we are dressed and ready it is time for me to pump, again, and probably time for her little tummy to have some milk. If you are a mom, single or not I would tell you to give up that extra alone time and pump or breast feed. It is such an amazing experience and worth every minute! I do both, I pump all day (Currently I have about 7,000 oz frozen) and I nurse at night before bedtime and before nap time. She has grown accustom to nursing when she is tired and always grabs for it!

From there we do something fun, go to the pool or out shopping or read lots of books. ALWAYS being interactive. For being a single mom I never miss a beat with my daughter. Her little brain is always learning something new!
I wont drag my daily routine out much longer. Ill just tell you I change an average of 10 diapers a day, use about 40 wipes, and wash my hands to the point of needed to carry lotion in all of my bags. I cook, I clean, and I bath all by myself. I dont give her commercial baby food, I make everything from scratch and I know and see every last ingredient. I know she is indeniably getting the most nutritious form of food. After all that we get washed up and ready for bed, pjs on read 7-8 stories and nurse.
Then my mind has time to wonder.......